Papers, please

Along with looking for a place to stay, I realized I needed my passport renewed. Checking online I discovered that I would have to go through the full application because old passport was more than 5 years expired. Drat. In addition to costing $135, the process of completing the form necessitated contacting the ex-Mr. Packrat because I had to supply his birth date as well as the dates of marriage and divorce. No such requirement last time. It rather did boil me a bit that I had to go through all of this when I have had a passport for a good part of my life.
Once I had assembled all the facts and printed out the forms – well, then the fun began. I went and got the requisite unflattering passport pictures and then went to the PO nearest my office to hand them in, only to discover that the Department of State’s website had neglected to inform me that I needed to make an appointment to hand in my passport forms (with $110 fee to the Department of State - and pay the Post Office $25 for their “efforts” in accepting my application). The ever helpful (cough, cough) flunkies at the Post Office provided me with a phone number to call. I called that number 72 times over the next calendar week before – on the 7th business day of trying  – I finally got a person on the phone. Who made an appointment for me for 12 days later. No need to worry about the government ever issuing internal passports, folks, they can’t even handle the passport applications of the traveling public in the off season.
So after about an hour of finding and filling out the form, then a lunch hour spent getting photographed, followed by the excursion to the post office and about 30 - 40 minutes of dialing time over the next week, I finally had an appointment.
On the appointed day, I arranged for a long lunch hour and went to turn in my application. I arrived at the PO about 5 minutes early and was shown into a tiny, cluttered, frigidly cold room off the postal lobby. Twenty minutes later I was still sitting there alone, after multiple reassurances that the passport clerk was on the phone with a customer. It seems to me that the customer who made an appointment and is physically sitting in your offices and is paying directly for your services should take precedence over the telephone customer, but apparently not.

Finally, a postal employee lurched breathless into the room and nearly took my breath away. Apparently Mr. Postal Clerk dunks himself in a vat of pungent cologne every morning. Within a minute I was coughing and tearing up. When he inquired as to the problem and I confessed to a perfume allergy he said – and I quote – “I’ve had some other folks tell me that they were allergic to my cologne.” Followed by a chuckle. Of course, what I wanted to say was “Oh, so it amuses you to make other people sick? So you work in a customer service position and put on cologne that you know adversely affects the health and comfort of others and that’s amusing?” But I didn’t. I was too busy mopping my streaming eyes.
After examining and photocopying and clipping and unclipping and having me write the aforementioned check, I was released from the tiny cubicle of respiratory torture into the lobby, where I watched Postal Minion #2 disassemble all the careful clipping and attaching only to reassemble the package in a different order and staple the pictures in different places. Then I paid the $25 fee to the Post Office and escaped, having been told to expect my passport in 4 to 6 weeks. Note that in acknowledgement of past delays and knowledge of government efficiency, I have allowed more than 3 times the maximum stated interval before the planned date of the trip.
Now, I have no plans whatsoever to drive in Italy, but prudence warring on the side of caution, the next step is to get my international drivers license. This, fortunately, can be obtained much more cheaply and through the offices of the AAA but also requires two more passport type photos. I wish I had checked first to avoid a second trip to the passport picture place. I truly expect that along with the lower price, it will be a significantly less stressful and time-consuming exercise. We shall see.